Are We A Sexually Deprived Generation? 

When my female dog was on heat, I watched my male dog go crazy. And no, I had never seen anything like it before. There were races around the compound, pants, howls, scratches and yelps. She was protesting hard – she couldn’t eat, sit, walk around the compound without the dog trying to pounce on her. She had no moment of rest, but he wasn’t ready to let go. After a while, I decided to put her on the verandah, so the railings served as a demarcation between them. After a while, I heard a loud yelp, and rushed outside to see him stuck between the railings; his head on one side, his hip on the other. It took a while to rescue him, after which I sat to watch him. For hours, he tried – futilely – to enter the verandah, his breathing a little too fast, saliva pouring steadily from his mouth. He’d stretch his hands trying to reach the female and when he couldn’t, he’d let out a loud howl as though he was in pain. Then he’d try again and again – panting hard, running around, howling, yelping, stumping and pausing only to drink water – desperation and frustration palpable in his eyes. I tried to keep him still; holding him and stroking his head. He was mad and I felt pity for his lack of control.

When I see people requesting nudes on social media, I remember my dog.

Not that it is new or unconventional in Nigerian Twitter, but recently, there have been many stories of leaked sex tapes and the desperation with which people scuffle for access to these videos makes me feel pity. And, yes, I am judging. A leaked sex tape –> 981 reposts, 8736 likes, 739,387 bookmarks.

I find the lack of self-awareness and sexual control niggling, particularly because we are humans who are capable of stopping in our tracks to ask ourselves why we do what we do. Even more pitiful are the captions to these videos: “E don land oo, Cynthia’s sex tape don leak and the thing dey hot.” Then someone would reply, “Ahh, I’ve been searching all over for days now, finally I don see am. Omo! She sabi o.” Another person from 17 TLs away will rush to the scene, tweeting, “Where is it? Abeg, bros, point me to the video.”

People are begging for and sharing leaked sex tapes via DMs and in circles. People are angry their mutuals did not point them to these tapes. And all these reeks of desperation and sexual depravity. Why are full-blown adults with bills to pay searching ‘all over’ the internet for leaked sex tapes? Are they that jobless? Or sexually starved? What’s so special about two people making good use of their private parts?

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Sometimes, when I see how much people salivate to sexually illicit content, I wonder if we are, indeed, a sexually deprived generation. I like to think that sex is way cheaper and/or accessible than it was years ago, and pre-marital sex has been met with less hostility than in years past. We live in a world of situationships, friends with benefits, sexual partners, porn sites, sex toys, and so on – all to provide sexual satiety without committing fully to a relationship or being bound by marital vows. Prostitution – albeit not legalised and not fully embraced – is also met with less hostility than in previous years. This means that whatever social status you may be in, there’s something for you (with consent, of course).

Why are people sexually perverted on the internet?

The rabidness and pervertedness with which people respond to leaked sex tapes is one reason I asked Google this question. “Non-consensual sex sells,” I read. People want to feel like they are privy to something that should otherwise be hidden, particularly something as intimate as sex. Another says that it is because people profit from women’s shame (People of all genders have their sex tapes released, but most people who fall victim to revenge porn and leaked sex tapes – and are likely to suffer from it – are women). The thrill and selling point is that it features women who have not given consent to have their intimate videos out there. It’s also an opportunity to advise women about being loose and the need to be more careful about the choice of men they sleep with. After wanking to the videos, obviously.

Young people’s sexual cultures are increasingly intertwined with social media. So the pervertedness and sexual depravity on social media are also hinged, heavily, on the sense of anonymity the internet provides. The need for people to share their deepest – and sometimes manic – sexual fantasies with millions of seemingly faceless people may stem from the sexual deprivation they experience offline. But, above all, it is proof of the inability of many to subdue the sexual thirst they experience offline, and the lack of sexual control many may exhibit in their day-to-day lives, particularly if/when they come in proximity with the opposite sex.

Perhaps I have overestimated the unlimitedness of sex, I do not know. But the good news is that, unlike my dog, we are capable of self-control no matter how thirsty we are – offline and online. A little introspection and self-awareness will do the trick.