Jeremiah Ajayi: Overcoming Envy and Learning to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

You decide to scroll through your LinkedIn timeline and boom… it shows you that one of your connections is ‘pleased to announce that she just achieved an impressive milestone’.

She is making the best out of this pandemic and here you are, ordinary online course that you started over a month ago, you’ve not completed the class. You look at the pictures of this ‘successful’ person again, marvel at her level of achievements and can’t help but ask, “does she have two heads?”

Perhaps, she is your childhood friend, your high school classmate, or one of those young achievers who make you think about your life. As a result, you feel oppressed by this person’s success.

Relatable much?

Well, except you are Bruce Wayne, there is a 100% possibility that there is someone out there who has a better career, hotter physique, better talents, a bigger bank account, or a seemingly perfect life than you. And in the digital world where we are all surrounded by these kinds of people, it can become impossible not to get envious.

So you battle constantly against the wasted emotions of envy and jealousy. You understand you shouldn’t compare yourself to others, after all, everyone has their own time. Yet, that is easier said than done. So you remain envious of other people’s success.

But how can you stop comparing yourself to others and stop the feeling of envy forever?

Own your envy

Being envious of other people is natural – it proves you are a human being, after all. However, it is an emotion that masks different potential lethal feelings. So, admitting your feelings of envy (at least to yourself) is vital.

No matter how hard you try to blame others for what you are feeling, the truth is, envy stems from your own thoughts or reaction to a situation. That person that continually shows off is not the source of that green-eyed monster in you. It is your insecurities speaking.

This step feels threatening because it means acknowledging your weaknesses and insecurities. But, if you want to fix the issue of envy and comparison, you have to recognize the fact that it is there. If something isn’t broken, you can’t fix it.

Understand your own capabilities and water your grass

Not all of us have the same range of talents, capabilities, and feats – and this is a significant cause of envy.

You might see someone excelling at a certain career and be jealous of them for this, simply because you aren’t excellent at that field at all. But when you think about it, you might have other talents and skills that they could never hope to emulate.

This is why it is crucial to understand what your own abilities are and focus on developing them. Don’t waste your time envying someone else’s strengths.

On the other hand, if you envy someone else’s level of success, it is quite possible to do something else entirely and achieve your own success.

Just as you don’t grow your garden by watering your neighbour’s, you don’t improve your path by comparing it to someone else’s. So, instead of wasting your efforts and time comparing your journey to that person with an intimidating LinkedIn profile, a successful life or better talents, spend it caring, creating, and investing in your own.

Remind yourself that nobody has it all

As long as social media exists, there will always be people who appear to have it better than you in life. Whenever you have the urge to compare your lives to theirs, remember that you only know the best assumptions about them. So, why compare the worst you know about yourself to the best you know about them?

Remember, no one has it all. Each person you meet, know, or even admire experiences problems, trials, and tribulations. Yes, just like you. This is what makes us human. No one has it all. Not even Beyonce. No one.

Speaking of social media…

Do a Social Media detox

Staying too much on social media is the quickest way to get envious of others. We are constantly bombarded with the best moments of people on Instagram, intimidated with the career successes of people on LinkedIn, and the success stories on Twitter. Amidst admiring other people’s highlights, we make the mistake of comparing ourselves to them. As a result, we trigger our inadequacies, self-doubt, and this eventually accumulates into frustration.

I know this doesn’t happen to everyone, but if this is what you feel, then choose to do a detox. You deserve to preserve your mental health. If someone’s posts make you feel inadequate, feel free to mute the person. If you feel constant pressure from visiting a social network, feel free to delete the app until you can finally make the conscious effort to handle the pressure.

Make sure you control social media, not the other way round.

Remember, this is not the end of the movie

The road is bumpy. You’ve attended all the webinars there is, read virtually all the books, made efforts, still, there’s nothing to show the world and you are not happy with where you are today. I understand how hellish this experience can be. But in all your doings, remember, this is simply a snapshot of your life.

Where you are at the moment doesn’t determine where you’ll be in two or four years from now. Your life is a movie, and your current phase is simply a scene. Think about your favorite movie. Did the protagonist give up after one sad scene? So, why give up and feel envious of other people’s success?

What matters in life isn’t your present circumstance, what truly matters is your attitude, mindset, and purpose.

Celebrate the success of others

Instead of secretly resenting other people’s success, genuinely celebrate their wins. Whenever someone achieves something similar to your goal, be happy for them. If you desired it, they probably did too.

We tend to resent other people’s successes because we don’t consider the processes. We see the world celebrating the output, but we don’t recognize the countless number of hours they have spent working for that success. So, instead of letting other people’s public victories put us down, let it be an inspiration for what you can accomplish in life.

The moment you stop seeing life as a competition, but rather see other people’s successes as an inspiration, you take a massive step overcoming envy once and for all.

Live Intentionally

Intentional living simply means living your life in alignment with your values, goals, ethics, and dreams. For a better understanding, view intentional living as a road map to help you get to where you want to go in life, a step-by-step guide that steers you from your present self to who you want to be. People who live intentionally don’t just let life happen to them. Instead, they live it with purpose so that they can maximize the fullness of joy that life brings.

One of the concepts of intentional living is to live in the moment. When you live intentionally, you cannot be envious of other people’s possessions. Why? You enjoy living in the moment.

When next you get envious of others, take the time and do something positive. Instead of making unfair comparisons, enjoy the moment and the success you have had.

Compare yourself with you

If you ever need someone to compare yourself with, it is you. Only compare apples to apples. You need to consider life as a journey with your previous self. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday. Focus on your improvement, not others. Comparing yourself to other people is a lose-lose situation.

Ask yourself:

• What can I do to improve my life quality than it was yesterday?
• How can I be nicer to myself than I was yesterday?
• How can I become a better and loving person than I was yesterday?

Even though society makes it seem like we are all on the same path, we are not. We have different destinies. You are the only person you should compare yourself with.

You’ve got this!

Being envious of others and comparing yourself does not do you any good. Instead, it leaves you feeling anxious about your next step and leaves you paralyzed. It takes away the valuable time that could have been spent on building your future.

Every second spent on comparing your path to someone else’s is a second lost on creating your own.

So, focus on you. Break free from envy and experience a more fulfilled life. Focus on being the best version of yourself and share the results with the rest of us. The world is waiting. We are waiting.

You’ve got this! I wish you nothing but success.