Tolulope Ibiyeye: Go On… Have Those Conversations!

At a period while growing up, I was scared of asking my dad for money. Should I say scared? I totally dreaded it! It wasn’t as if my dad has issues with giving his kids money, it had more to do with your timing.

The funny thing is that I had two of my siblings who never had this issue. As for them, they simply walk up to him and come back smiling. Good old cash had exchanged hands. By the time I finally summoned the courage to learn, many years had already passed; I was in my last year at the university.

If only I had taken time to have a conversation with my siblings earlier, I could have saved myself the agony I went through depriving myself of some needs. That is why it is important to learn the art of making good conversations and using it as a tool.

Conversation is a form of communication. Unlike talking, it is a two-way exchange between two people or more. Zorka Hereford captured it all when she said: “a lot of times, we enter conversations for the purpose of pleasant engagement in order to meet new people, to find out information, and to enjoy social interactions.”

When you think back at the conversations you have had with others, there’s always a purpose to it. It could be you wanted to:

• Get answers.
• Connect and build relationships or trust.
• Make a contribution, share your thoughts or concerns.

The truth is that having conversations is inherent in us. It is a part of our nature to constantly interact with people. In order words, we are born to create conversations through the interactions that we have with other people. And while it seems to flow easily for some people, many often find it a huge task.

What hinders many are thoughts like “what do I say?” “Would I be liked if I say or ask this?” “How do I keep it going once I start?” The fear of saying the right things at the wrong time or simply saying the wrong things outrightly, fear of being mocked, rejected, or laughed at, and having one’s intention questioned are few out of the many reasons we think making conversations as hard.

What do you do to make conversations easier for you?

One thing to note is that this issue is not peculiar to you alone. There are many talented, educated, and sophisticated people who are also concerned just like you. They share these same insecurities too.

Knowing that the other person can as well be having the same thoughts as you should make you feel a bit better. They are humans too, so quit beating yourself up.

You should start seeing conversations as a tool to help you achieve something – a specific purpose. So when you need answers, simply ask! When you need to connect with someone for a purpose, deploy this tool, and get it done!

Do you need to share or voice your thoughts and make a contribution? You’ve got the tool right there in your hands, use it!