Cisi Eze: Diary of a Hypocrite (II) – The Homophobe

October 13, 2015

Dear Diary,

I don’t understand what is happening anymore. Ever since I let Udoka, my friend, come and share apartment with me, I have not been happy. If I had known, I would not have collected the rent money from him. But I needed money at the time, I had to collect it.

You won’t believe if I tell you that Big Mummy likes him so much. Any small thing, she will say, “Udoka is hardworking. He knows how to take care of the house and he can cook.” Imagine! Was she expecting me to take care of the house and cook? For crying aloud, I am a guy! All that cleaning and cooking is what babes should be doing, na. That is their department.

I don’t think she suspects that he is a gay. What kind of guy would be acting like a woman? Have you seen the way he does his hands when he is talking? He even walks like a babe. Tueh!

October 20, 2015

Dear Diary,

Our parish choir is to perform at the Archdiocesan Choir Competition! The event will be third Sunday of December. December 18th. You need to see me bubbling here. As the choir master, I have talked with others and we decided to have practice three times a week. We have also picked three songs we would sing, and “Hallelujah” will be there. But from the way I am looking at it, all the choirs will sing it together as encore.

I tried calling Emeke all day, but his line is not going through. I am getting worried about him. Let me assume he is busy with something. I love this guy, no homo. He is like a brother to me. If he was a girl, I would have married him. The guy makes sense.

(…)

December 10, 2015

Dear Diary,

I am very tired. I don’t have much to write, sef. Just that this irritating guy has started again.

Today, he washed Big Mummy’s car. She came and the fool saw her car was too dusty. Wait, is it not harmattan? Is the car not meant to be dusty normally? Big Mummy dashed him 5k for Christmas, o. Udoka is just kissing her ass. Of course, he is a homo – he knows how to kiss ass. I hate this guy, ehn!

Emeke came over today, we got talking, and he confirmed that Udoka is a gay. Abomination! What would make you sleep with another guy? I’m trying to understand these gays. Me and Emeke tried to watch gay porn, and it was so disgusting seeing two men doing it.

 (…)

December 19, 2015

Dear Diary,

Nna mehn! I had a blast yesterday. After the choir competition, one parishioner took us to have correct catfish pepper soup and peppered snails! Correct man! Even though we came fourth, it does not feel like that. See flexing! LOL!

The important thing is that I was able to hook up with one alto singer from another parish. This babe set! Her voice just dey trip me. And she is light-skinned on top of it. Women are too emotional and I don’t have emotions to give. But you know how these Naija babes are – they don’t like someone that will tell them the truth. Can you go and tell one babe that you only want sex? The babe will look at you as if you are a mad person. I just want to smash, abeg. Na to tell am say I’m in love. LOL! No be only love.

(…)

January 8, 2016

Dear Diary,

I have been flexing this holiday and I have not had time to write.

(…)

Do you remember that babe I told you about? That alto singer? Nna! I smashed her! She make sense die! You know how I prefer anal. When I asked her to try it with me, she was cool. As I did not have lube, I had to improvise with olive oil. Chei! And when she was calling my name in that her voice, I thought I was in heaven. They always say church babes are the ones that sabi work, and I have confirmed it. This babe can kill me if she wants, I no send. LOLOLOLOLOL!

January 30, 2016

Dear Diary

I had a bad dream. I was having sex with Udoka in the dream. You see how devil is working? This guy has to go! Imagine! I am having sex with him in my dream. These gays are everywhere! Very disgusting bunch of people…

P.S. How do people condemn one sin and condone another? How are they cool with fornication, yet get livid at homosexuality? Pardon the pun, but from the front, or from behind – sin is sin.

P.P.P.S. Internalised homophobia is real. People cope with their realities through different mechanisms. Gay people that are homophobic do this to remove attention from themselves. You do not have to sit through a psychology class to know this. They sublimate their desires for same-sex relationships into intense hatred, laced with envy, for people that are honest enough to live their truth. They don’t connect emotionally with people of the opposite sex; they wish their besties were of the opposite sex so they could get married; they guiltily end innocent sentences with “no homo”; and when they have sex, they commit sodomy… what are we ought to think? Sodomy is any sexual act against reproduction. Sodomy is oral and anal sex.

P.P.P.S The same Leviticus that is against same-sex relationship also has an issue with people eating catfish, snails, lobsters, and all that. (Leviticus 9: 11-12.) The sins of Sodom and Gomorrah are listed in Ezekiel 16: 49 – 50.

P.P.P.P.S. Some people state gay people are the reason God is angry, yet Germany, America, and Canada – countries that have legalised same-sex marriages – are flourishing. Our homophobic people keep running to these countries. Lets us not forget Nigeria is on the top three on the list of countries that watch gay porn the most.

P.P.P.P.P.S. What kind of person does it make you when you go on to attack people that are not attacking you?

 P.P.P.P.P.P.S. How do people claim to love God they have not seen, while hating other people that were made in the image and likeness of God? Do they love God or are they scared of hell?