BN2015Epilogues: OJ Counts the Lessons Learned From a Really Difficult Year

Last year BellaNaija Features put together an inspiring feature series to round off the year. The 2014 Epilogues featured 10 real people who took an introspective look at their year and wrote about it. This year, we decided to make the call public to our readers. {Click here if you missed it} It is our hope and desire that we will have enough entries to have a story up every day from the 1st to the 31st of December. We have received an impressive number of entries and we hope that you will share yours with us.

We kicked off the series and so far we’ve had the following entries: Jennifer G , Morountodun , Victory, Mayowa ,  Harmony and Dekky.

We’re starting a fresh week with one of the most heartfelt stories we’ve received in the series. OJ keeps it real with this one. 

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Describing 2015 this month of December when I should be praying for my 11th hour miracle seems absurd, but here it goes:
I started my year pregnant and in tears, praying to God to save my marriage. I don’t believe I can live in a loveless marriage just for the sheer purpose of being married. I prayed and made promises to God, if he saves marriage.

He did save my marriage, but I’m seeing the signs all over again and I’m wondering for how long.
Then I put to bed – a baby I felt came too early. I thought I would rest for at least 3 to 4 years before my next baby. But she has been nothing but joy. Her pregnancy so light, not stressful… nada. Her labour? So swift, so quick and very little pains.

My son’s frequent hospital trips has caused my consultants to think that he might have Asperger’s. Currently still not professionally diagnosed. Sometimes I can’t bring myself to get him labelled. Don’t crucify me. That’s what I think a diagnosis would do. Still he’s the light of my household and I doubt if he’s truly anything but normal. They do have a positive side, they are extremely intelligent but very anti-social and developmentally late.

And my big 3-0 came. Amazing, how all of a sudden I now feel so old. Wondering if I’m not slow in conquering my borders, meeting my targets and changing the world. Just when I thought I need to set things in fast motion to meet up, my postgraduate studies hit the rock.

Education in Nigeria can be a big task. Did I say task? I should say hell, especially postgraduate education. By and large I didn’t meet my target of getting a PhD before 30, and it’s not even in sight as I have to re-route.

Oh, and the big one. No Job. I haven’t really set out to seek for employment. I believe grants and consultancies can handle my financial needs but as it is now I think I need to get a full time job. Just to be fully financially independent.

Did I mention I need to lose weight? At least 15kg. Story for 2016.

So from 2015 events I have learnt some new lessons and have/will apply them:

1. You can’t make people love you. They either love you or they don’t. It’s your decision to stay with them or leave them. This is going to be my flagship for 2016 with respect to my marriage.

2. Some things unplanned and unanticipated happen for the best. My baby girl has been the sibling for her brother. I look at her and remembered I complained and I laugh at myself.

3. When you miss targets, you set new ones. I missed the PhD at 30 target, I am setting a new one and even changing institutions to see it accomplished.

4. In everything give praise. This December, instead of asking for the innumerable things I want and need. I’m just going to spend time praising God. This I have started but it’s becoming harder. You know what happens when you decide to be happy all the reasons of being unhappy begin to creep in. But it’s important I stay in thanksgiving mode.

For 2016, I’m just going to go back to my tables and set new goals, having a loving marriage or leaving a love lost marriage (I’m getting counsel for that); getting another grant for a new PhD (Written to my sponsors and applying for new ones); having a steady source of income (Seriously applying for opening and using my contacts), writing romantic novels (really I love them and I want to write them, not started though) and raising my kids. By and large, life happens and when it happens, whatever happens, I am going to keep moving till I get to where I want to be. I might be late I don’t know whose standards is used for measuring lateness. What counts is that I am fulfilled. If Christmas would bring a miracle for me- I’d ask to be truly happy and more prayerful.

That is my amazing 2015 story. Oh, I am still waiting for the 11th hour miracle: who knows a job, consultancy or even internship with any UN arm would make me scream.

In the meantime, I going to pack my things and head to villa, blast music in my ride as if things are all splendid with me. Visit friends and family. Dance during night mass. Scream when I see the masquerade. Eat my hard-to-find native foods. And pray that God gives us health and life to see the coming years. Once there’s life, it can only get better. Merry Christmas to everyone, it’s a season of joy, do not let anything take away that joy this season.

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