Lynda Omerekpe: 7 Crazy Things Men Make Women Do

I was riding home with a colleague last week in his car, it was supposed to be a short journey but lasted longer than expected (thanks to Lagos traffic). During our jolly ride, the ambience in the car changed from 92.3 Inspiration FM to cool R & B music playing from his phone and continued for another one hour. I was quite astounded because he is that guy who doesn’t look like he was ready for love. I said, “Dave, I never knew you were such a lover boy, all these serious love songs, na wa oh. So who’s she?” I asked.

He responded that he’s still searching for her. I asked what kind of qualities he was searching for in a woman and his response was “I just want her to be very fine, and slim, someone that I can pose with when I hang out with my friends in Lekki ”. I asked why he didn’t pick good character first, his response nearly made me choke from laughter.

His answer – a girl who is not fine cannot have a good character. How do I even get to see the character if I don’t like her face? And, in addition she MUST be employed because I don’t want any liability.

Gone are the days when guys were attracted to godliness and good character in a woman; the Ibos will say “agwa bu nma nwanyi” but in recent times the specifics have become more artificial. You have to be anorexic, a ‘yellow paw-paw’, be heavily endowed with an hour glass figure, a big gluteal muscle and full mammary glands. The men are the same people who complain about fake ladies with fake lives and fake bodies but totally forget that they have become extremely artificial in what they seek in a woman, so the ladies decided to become more creative in giving them exactly what they want. Special kudos to makeup artists who can literally change you from a dark skin girl to look like you were born with white genes.

So what are these crazy things women do?

Buy Artificial Butt
This is an extra padded tight that looks and feels like a real butt worn underneath the clothes to make the gluteal muscle look more protruded. This fake butt attracts the guys who are easily swooned by big ikebe.

Buy Fake Hips
This is same with the artificial butt, except this adds extra weight to your hips. When this is worn, you will definitely believe that hips don’t lie because the figure it gives the women who wear it will make the guys drool. I once asked a lady why she was wearing fake hips because the guy will eventually find out. She said the hips were to attract him first, when he comes another strategy will be used to make him stay. (hian… I just cleared my throat & quietly walked away).

Bleaching
Black is truly beautiful and will forever be but there are ladies who have taken this hustle to extreme levels and if it’s to change the colour of their skin that will make them catch this bobo, they will do it. Some call it toning, but the truth will come out when some parts of your body become darker than others or when your skin starts looking pale.

Plastic Surgery
It will be highly unfair to yourself as a lady to put yourself under the knife just to make a man get attracted to you. Brandy made it very clear that it ain’t worth it if you have to camouflage for love; you risk losing your life by doing that so think first before going this far.

Starvation (a.k.a – VIP ticket to ulcer/anorexia)
The likes of my colleague, Dave don’t want an ‘orobo’ so most ladies skip meals & starve themselves to fit into a guy’s ‘lekpa’ criteria. Some become gym rats while others completely lose self-confidence because they don’t think they’re good enough to be loved. Don’t change yourself oh cos some guys like them in full size; like my friend who says if a man rolls twice on the bed and can’t feel his wife’s body, there’s a problem. Some African men still like ‘orobo’.

Heavy Make-up
This level of craze climaxed with the rise of make-up artists; words cannot express the things covered under concealer and foundation and some ladies wear these heavy make up all day. It will be an abomination for le boo or boo-to-be to see them without make up. We forget that our skin needs to breathe, coupled with the fact that it is difficult to weigh the danger associated with the ingredients that go into producing them. Keep it light so there is little discrepancy between the real you and the person behind the makeup.

Going Broke
Some ladies go as far as borrowing money to buy expensive clothes, shoes and jewelleries to fit into a guy’s profile. But why??? These category of ladies are attracted by guys who love them flashy with Mongolian hair, Chanel bag, Louboutin shoes, Tom Ford perfume – the trophy girlfriends/wife for showcasing to the public.

These are the top seven out of many other crazy things guys make ladies do.

Dear woman, there is nothing you can do to keep a man who doesn’t want you and there is nothing you can do to make the man who wants to stay go away. You are not to do the searching, he will find you; when you take up the search role, you become desperate and desperate situations call for desperate actions which means doing some of these crazy things. Do not put yourself in a precarious position that you will regret because of men’s insatiable and worldly desires – a real man who knows what he wants will not look only on the outside but also on the inside. He will not allow you become a shadow of yourself to suit him, instead he will help you discover that true beauty radiates from inside.

To the men – we know you guys are moved by sight and quickly judge by what you see; but beware lest you take upon yourself what you did not bargain for. Beauty is deceitful and also lies in the eyes of the beholder; the bible says he who finds a wife, finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord. It did not say he who finds a pretty wife of bootylicious wife. I’ve heard many guys complain in less than a year of marriage and I wonder why – you got served the artificial wife you asked for then marriage finally opened your eyes to see that there is more to life than meets the eye. Apply wisdom.

Photo Credit: Dreamstime | Jeff Coleman