Chiugo Akaolisa: Love Does Not Conquer All

Think with me for a second. Boy meets girl under the perfect lighting and sparks fly. The charm of boy is not understated as he subtly puts out hints of an amazing future together. A beautiful house with a garden full of peonies, kids, and pets (if you are into them) become all what girl dreams about. Girl falls hard and deep and let’s say boy does too. Then girl’s foul attitude or boy’s wandering eyes rears its head and ever so casually boy/girl brushes it aside because his/her eyes are already set on the prize of happily ever after.

I can change her…I can change him…Love conquers all, right?

Wrong!

The biggest illusion love creates is the false power to control someone and maybe change them in the process. You CANNOT change a person who is not willing and accepting of the change no matter how deep the love is. I mean, what do you do with someone who doesn’t think there is anything to change in the first place? Love can only mask the problem for a short while, and after love fades (it eventually does), the problems resurface with all its siblings you didn’t know existed. If a man doesn’t understand why his temper needs not flare over little things, chances are, he will turn into a violent psycho when he is no longer trying to impress you. Similarly, if a woman doesn’t not see how annoying unnecessary nagging is when she is madly in love, imagine when she no longer looks at you the same way. Love does not conquer all. At least, not the kind displayed on earth.

If you haven’t already figured, incessant complaining does not elicit change. In fact, it does the opposite.

Some may argue that people can change for love. I am inclined to agree but that only happens when the person decides to look inwards and alter that annoying flaw rather than see the person they care about get hurt or leave them. The operative idea is that they do it themselves with that person in mind not in sight correcting them. The most influence you can have is to pray for them and ask the Creator to help your cause. Also, some life situations can humble a person to change: Loss or fear of loss is one of them.

If we are being totally honest with ourselves, at a point in our lives, we saw a glimpse of the cheating or the bad attitude or the extravagance with money long BEFORE it became a real threat but we chose to ignore it under the false pretense of Love. We blamed it on youthful exuberance and also got distracted by our libido until it came back to haunt us.

The great Maya Angelou once said “when someone shows you who they are, believe them; the first time”. In line with that saying, we need to stop putting too much pressure on love and figure out if the baggage we are faced with is something we can carry long term. If you cannot, gently lay it down and find someone with a baggage you can easily carry; forever is a long time.

On a final note, please be fair to your relationships and figure out areas in your life that need changing before it becomes someone else’s nightmare. Constant introspection is key.

Good luck!