Aunty Bella: Miss. I Broke His Trust

Aunty Bella is our agony aunt column on BellaNaija. We launched this column in the early days of BN and periodically feature issues sent in by BN readers. We hope the BN family can offer insightful advice as well.

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Hi BellaNaija,

I need your advice!

My ex broke up with me because I cheated on him a few times, by cheating maybe just kissed one or two people, no sex involved (yes I know it’s still cheating). I asked if we could get back together but he said no that he can’t really trust me anymore. How do I gain his trust back?

Background details:

I was with this guy, let’s call him Mohammed since my first year of Uni, October 2011 (not officially though) but officially in November 2013. As much as in my first year I used to call us “best friends”, I knew we were more than that but I just wasn’t ready for the labels. Also he’s Fulani, Muslim and a few months younger than I am, and I’m Yoruba and Christian so I always had this at the back of my mind that for those reasons we didn’t have a future together. So I guess maybe even though we were kinda together in 2011 I wasn’t fully committed for those reasons. I met a Yoruba, Christian guy in 2012. We just met up, a few kisses and that was it, and I told my now ex about it. I met another guy when we started officially dating, Yoruba and Christian, all we did was kissing too, told my now ex about it too. And lastly met a Yoruba, Christian guy summer of this year 2014, we got talking and all nothing serious, then one day, my now ex came to spend a few days at mine and this guy, let’s call him Jide called so I went to the kitchen to do my laundry and was talking to Jide without knowing my ex was behind me. Long story short my ex asked me what was that about and I just lied about everything and the next day when I went to shower he looked through my phone and saw my texts with Jide and when I came out he said he was done and left.

I called my friend to tell her everything so she got involved and managed to get the guy to pick up my call, we sha decided to meet up and talk. Then he said “ok do you want us to get back together?'” and I was like “no, I can’t promise it won’t happen again”.

So yeah that was it. We tried to be friends, stop talking, started talking and all that but now we are friends again but not sure how long that’s going to last. The break up happened in August this year 2014.

I really love and miss him. I’ve had time to reflect and all that and I now I feel I’m open to the whole religion and culture thing. I’m only 21 in December so it’s not like I’m getting married tomorrow. I want to be with someone that makes me happy and he does. I want to forget the religion, culture and age thing and see where it leads.

I really want your advice, I’ve made up my mind that I want to get back with it but what do you think? And how do I earn the trust back? Also what do you think about the whole situation in general?

Thanks

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