Atoke’s Monday Morning Banter: What’s a Wedding Without Small Chops?

When you’re away from home you have a longing for the weirdest things. For me it has mostly been; the frustrating plot of Tinsel, my Sunday afternoon nothingness in Magodo with Bayo and Courage, random afternoon visits to buy Amala from one dodgy street in Iwaya called ‘Ajoke a.k.a Iyaomolere’ and finally but not in the very least, weddings.

On Saturday morning, I sat on my bed thinking of the fact that I had an assignment of dipping into the world of Haiku, instead of actually doing it, I sought the distraction of Candy Crush. With brightly coloured jellies popping beneath my forefinger, I had this insane craving for ‘small chops’. If you don’t know what they are then I can’t help you.

‘Small chops’ make the world go round. There are so many nice and flowery ways to describe small chops but I’m sure I’d be crucified for using inappropriate terms so I’ll let just you go with your imagination.

Small chops make it easier to sit through the long winding speech of the Chairman. Speaking of which, is there a rule that says that there must be a ‘Chairman’ at weddings? And if there is, is there something that stipulates that the holders of this not s0 esteemed position just drone on about their long standing relationship with either set of parents, or their presence as the bride crowned, or when the groom got his first bicycle? Honestly guys, let’s try and put a stop to this Chairman scourge!

Weddings, on their own, can be incredibly boring. However, a KICKING reception party makes it all worthwhile. For me, a kicking reception party is a vital combination of my close circle of not quite sane friends, a DJ who puts all other disc jockeys to shame, a steady stream of Happy Juice, and small chops (with puff puff of course).

For other people it’s the food and the clamour for souvenirs. For others it’s the live band and the ability to dance and be ‘sprayed’ money. For some people it is the sheer unbridled selfless joy for the couple; for some, it’s the opportunity to go and see old friends from Secondary school and a chance to show them you’re now cool and they’re now… well… not cool.

Weddings are supposed to be all about the couple and as such it seems a tad selfish to openly admit you’re there for something other than to celebrate the creation of a family unit. However, guests are such an essential part of the proceedings. I’ve heard brides say “I want people who attend to be gushing over my dress”. (Don’t judge, there’s an element of vanity in us all). So, if guests are fundamental, surely it’s nice to make sure they’re kept comfortably? I’ve heard horror stories about cold food being served, or at other times when guests are kept for 45 minutes waiting for a drink – after a long, tedious church service. For people who go to weddings for the deliciousness of ‘party rice’, this is usually a let down.

I have to leave you guys now as I have 30 pages of Oedipus waiting for me and it’s not looking like it’s going anywhere. *long drawn out sigh*.
Have a fabulous week ahead, and enjoy the holidays tomorrow. I will be here longing for the good ol’ days of Ileya in Ilorin and wishing for a time machine.

Don’t forget to share your absolutely-must-have at a wedding with us.

Peace, love & cupcakes!
Toodles!