Behind The Heart with Chiadi Ndu: No Longer Afraid of Who I Am

I have looked forward with a lot of excitement and a little bit of trepidation to today. Even though I have written quite a lot, I have never done anything like BellaNaija. I know this is going to be sizzling hot. Writing and having your work ‘commented’ on almost immediately by faceless people can’t be an easy place because not everyone will agree with you or even like YOU.

I have seen a lot of frightening and vicious comments on some blogs but I have decided to take this bull by its horns. I prayed for an additional platform and I got BellaNaija; for this I am very grateful.
I am a firm believer that there aren’t many bad people on this our earth- just bad behaviour. As a result of this I am usually very empathetic and I try not to judge people harshly. I know that most individuals have learnt their behaviour because it seemed to be their best option under their circumstances. I know this not only because of psychology but because I learnt most of my behaviour.

I grew up a bright and happy child in an upper middle class family. My life was stable and secure until one day everything began to collapse like a pack of cards. I went out in the morning with my mother and sisters. We spent most of the day together until about 3pm. She went back to finish her day’s tasks but by the next day she was dead. I was just 13years. I didn’t recover from that shock before I had to learn to be tough for my sisters and my father because I was the oldest child.
I learnt to carry on with life wearing a mask of calmness and confidence while the child in me was perplexed and afraid. At this very vulnerable point in my life, I needed to change schools. For some reason or the other, the students in the new school didn’t like me. I experienced the worst form of rejection and unkindness, but I learnt to fight back with anger and aggression because that was the only way I knew to cope.

As if that was not enough my family suffered a huge financial set-back a few years later, towards the end of my teenage years. From a lifestyle of comfort, I was thrown into penury. We could no longer afford the things I was used to. Almost immediately all the ‘friends’ we had when I was growing up abandoned us because we no longer fit their profile. I was angry, bitter and very resentful. I had to learn to cover-up my misery and aloneness with a lot of roistering. While I struggled hard to keep up with the ‘Joneses’, my self-esteem and self-worth plummeted with alacrity. I began to need everyone’s affirmation and validation.

I don’t know what might have happened if I didn’t meet Jesus at this point in my life. He brought with Him acceptance and tenderness – my healing commenced. He was the most peaceful place in my life. He comforted me with such a comfort that I developed a passion to share comfort with others.

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Chiadi Ndu was called to the Nigerian Bar in 1987. She has a Master’s Degree in Counselling Psychology and a Diploma in Stress management. She works as a Pre- Divorce Concilliator, hosts a radio programme – Behind the Heart on Inspiration FM and also writes a relationship Counselling column – Bridges on Sunday in Sunday Thisday newspaper.