Atoke’s Monday Morning Banter: What’s Your Bra Size?

Dearly beloved… Monday is upon us again. I hope you guys had a supercalifragilisticexpialidocious weekend! I had a blast and by now, regular readers of this column would know that means there was power supply from Friday night till Sunday morning. The internet was fast and my foray into the world of Jack Reacher was beautiful! Immediately the power went out, I knew it was time to get out of hermit mode…

So, I asked myself “who was likely to have power, air-conditioning, plenty gist and a kettle for me to make my tea?” and as I was mulling over this thought the buzzer on my phone went off. “Who wants to run down my battery with constant buzzing? Abeg there’s no light to charge biko!” I rolled my eyes when I found out who the culprit was. What was so urgent?

While I was searching for the appropriate emoticon to insert to express my dissatisfaction, the phone started ringing.“Atoke! Why do people ask the most inappropriate questions??? This girl just asked me if my Jide is good in bed!” After laughing like I was going to pass out, I asked her who the person was and what had set the premise for her wanting to know if my friend’s husband knew how to lay it down right. My friend wasn’t finding it funny and she was looking for the most caustic response to give the girl hence her calling me. Ah, so I’m now the repository of insults and sarcastic retorts? I refuse to bear that title. Really though, some people take the piss by stepping out of the borders of politeness and they downright ask for it.

Many years ago, I went through a bad phase of self-esteem/ body image issues. As a teenager, I didn’t understand why I had such huge mammaries. I’d wear the thickest turtle necks and anything with the longest sleeves just to cover up and it was in the peak of this phase that someone introduced me to this guy. On our first date, I’d caught him staring at my chest several times and when it got really uncomfortable, I said “I know I’m vertically challenged, but do you mind keeping your eyes up here?”. The guy, sporting a lecherous smile on his face, said “I’m sorry but what is your bra size?”
I was so embarrassed. However, I’d started honing my sharp mouth/retort skills by that time so I asked him if he was a tranny and was shopping for ideas for his cross dressers pageant! That shut him up well and proper. Next time, he’d think twice before asking an inappropriate question.

The world is changing and we hear the oddest things. I’ve heard that some random friend can just ask you if you like to get it in the back and as a progressive modern day individual, you should take it in your stride. So while I was planning to write this morning’s piece, I asked a few people for the most inappropriate questions they’d been asked and I got the following responses –
“How much do you earn?”
“Are you guys shagging?”
“Do you give head?”
“Are you guys trying to have a baby?”

It appeared that the most inappropriate questions seemed to be sexual in nature, barring the question about salary and age… it seemed like the recurrent theme.  When I asked why someone found the salary question inappropriate she said “People end up judging everything you do based on the figure they know. Irrespective of whether you have an alternative source of income. So unless you’re my boss or prospective employer, why are you asking me what I earn?

She had a point with regards what position the person asking the question is. I mean why are you asking me what my bra size is? Do you want to go shopping for me? Why are you asking if her husband’s *cough cough* is big? Are you planning to get in line?

Please share some of the inappropriate questions you’ve been asked or even questions you deemed were appropriate but the respondent called you out on it. What do you think is the most appropriate response to an inappropriate question?

Have a fabulous weekend ahead. Remember to be happy and stay strong. Love, live and stay positive!

Oh before I go, let me leave you with this video… it’s not new but it got me cracking!

Peace, love & cupcakes!
Toodles!
Photo Credit: tumblr.com